Biology is so cool

I often question my own value and impact...as a mother, a wife, an actress, a person. It's not necessarily the most fun way to live, but it's how I've always been. I rarely feel satisfied with anything I do. I'm always criticizing, worrying, analyzing, berating myself in my head. Why? I don't have an answer to that. All I know is that treating myself lovingly is usually an act of will. I am getting slightly better at it as I age, but I suspect it will always be a struggle.

Yet even on my darkest days, when I despair that I've contributed absolutely nothing of value to this world, I know one thing to be true: I helped create two extraordinary human beings. And that pretty much trumps every horrible, belittling thought about myself that I can conjure. Because Emma and Sophie? They ROCK. And without Chris and me, they wouldn't be here. We actually MADE them.

So, inner critic? Shut your trap. These two glorious girls are in the world at least partly because of me, and that's an accomplishment to be pretty damn proud of.

Fevers and Tea Time

The girls' beloved Grandma Kitty came to visit for a few days, and they were over the moon to see her. Poor Pat. She had no idea what she was walking into when she stepped off that plane at Midway. What she thought was going to be a relaxing, fun-filled weekend of Chicago summer awesomeness quickly turned into an unbearably hot weekend of kid duty. I was sick with a sinus infection for most of her visit, sweating in bed with fever and looking like an extra from Night of the Living Dead. So a lot of the plans we had in place went on hold - either because of my illness or the extremeness of the weather. It was beautifully sunny her entire visit, but so hot that even Pat - who lives in Sarasota, FL - was starting to melt. Our a/c unit couldn't really keep up, so it was hovering around 85 degrees in our apartment most of the time. And because Chris was dealing with the girls all alone, Pat ended up picking up a lot of slack in the child rearing area too. I must say though, she was a complete sport through it all and we were all so sad to see her leave.

Here are a few photos from her trip, including tea time at American Girl Place with the girls, their dolls, and their new "pets" Sugar the dog and Ginger the cat. And the video...well, let's just say that when most parents leave their children with grandma for a few hours, they come home to an art project or some other such thing. We come home to a song-and-dance routine. And I wouldn't have it any other way. (Plus, it's hilarious how Pat quickly loses control of her back-up singers as the girls forge their own paths and pay no attention to direction. Welcome to our world, G. Kitty.)

 

 I know, this pic is totally random from the rest...but OH MY GOD. The most perfect capture of Sophie's current penchant for pouting I have ever seen. World, let me introduce you to the other side of my daughter, Miss Sophie Cranky-pants.

Barbra Sreisand, You Lied.

I whine a lot in this post. You have been forewarned. (As consolation, I offer a little brain teaser - bragging rights to the first person who can explain the relevance of the blog title. And....GO.)

I hate losing people, feeling them slip between your fingers and knowing you are powerless to stop it. The theater company I spent seven years trying to build into this fantastic theatrical empire (ie, moderately successful storefront) alongside some truly amazing colleagues is closing its doors. Infamous Commonwealth Theatre is no more. And yes, I'm heartsick to see a company that was such a huge part of my life come to such a quiet end. And yes, I'm terrified that in a city littered with thousands of unemployed actors, this is just one more indication that I will never act again. But the main root of my sadness is that I will no longer see all the people associated with the company on a regular basis. For close to a decade, I have acted/sweated/stressed/celebrated/toiled alongside these people. I've looked forward to seeing their beautiful faces at every show/fundraiser/meeting/retreat. Even if we went awhile without contact, all was well because I knew that life would eventually throw them back my way. We had the shared commonality of the theater company to keep us in each others' lives. I considered all of them friends, some of them family. And now, in all honesty, most will become strangers. Everyone has the best of intentions, but that's just how it works in this business. You move on to other projects/companies/colleagues/things, and before you know it, you're wondering how many years it's been since you talked to so-and-so. Simply put, I will miss them.

I feel myself drifting away from other friends too. It's a drift I feared knew would happen, but I find no solace in being right. I would much rather be mocked for being wrong while ensconced in the safety of a thriving friendship. But such is the ebb and flow of life, I guess. All is as it should be. And yet...that is often cold comfort.

Morose post, I know. I'd apologize, but seriously...I warned you. Still, I feel badly...so here's a clue to the brain teaser: Funny Girl.

Now go hug your friends and tell them you love them.

Halloween in July = Power Monger Syndrome

Yesterday was Halloween in July at Emma's summer camp. She dressed as a princess fairy ("NOT a fairy princess. That's boring!"), complete with all necessary accoutrements. As camp activities are mostly outside and often involve physical activity, I thought she might want to rethink the tiara. Em replied, "But if I don't wear the tiara, how will people know they are supposed to bow to me?"

Later that day, I arrived for pick up and found Emma in nothing but a bathing suit, tiara and fairy wings. She looked like a pint-size beauty contestant vying for Miss Tinkerbell. I suggested that her current ensemble was probably not the most appropriate outfit to be wearing around the park. Her body shook with excitement as she exclaimed, "But I'm a princess! I can do whatever I want!" Before I could counter, some boy waved goodbye to Emma. "Who is that?" I asked. "Oh, he's my minion," Em answered casually.

Actors Raising Polka Dotted Vaginas

Sophie loves her pink bathing suit with polka dots. While heading to the beach, she exclaimed, "Look at me! I so beautiful. Even my vagina has polka dots!" (Seriously...my girls talk about their vaginas all the time. What is UP with that?)

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While the girls are playing, we suddenly overhear Em coaching Sophie on the perfect way to say, "If you kill my sister, then you'll have to kill me too." (Why that sentence, you ask? I HAVE NO IDEA.) After about 15 minutes of back-and-forth, Sophie gets frustrated and flat-out growls the line in Emma's face. Em declares, "Yay, Sophie! I really felt that. You got the job!"

Summer Day: A Photo Essay

 

Tee Hee Hee

Greatest sound in the world...

Better than Cable

Our girls love to make up song and dance routines. We love to laugh our asses off watching them.

p.s. When Emma watched the playback on our computer, she studied the monitor intently for about 15 seconds before declaring, "Man, I look good."