Almost 13

It feels like the remarkable young lady standing beside me in this picture was a tiny, jaundiced, squalling infant just yesterday. How is it possible that she is now almost 13?!?

Snickerdoodles

My daughter seems happy lately.

It is such a rare and fragile thing. Like a delicate butterfly that suddenly lands on your hand. You just want to freeze time, stay still, and not risk a sudden, stupid movement that will cause the beautiful creature to fly away.

I just came home from grocery shopping and found my normally mercurial, moody tween beaming from ear to ear. She proudly declared that she had made snickerdoodles from scratch while I was gone. When I asked what had possessed her, she said, "Well, you told me once that a great way to show love is to bake. So..."

I'm hiding in the bathroom right now, crying a little, as I type this.

What a privilege it is, being her mother.

No Santa: Growing Up Sorta Sucks

My oldest daughter is almost 12 years old, and up until about 15 hours ago, she still kinda sorta maybe believed in Santa Claus. (Yeah, I know. We were astounded, too.)

But all good things must come to an end. Last night, we were talking about her desk, and I made the classic mistake of saying something like, "Well, when we bought this for you, we were thinking you could use it for...yada yada yada." Annnnd...yep. You guessed it. The desk was a gift from Santa.

I've been caught in similar slip ups before, and I've always managed to talk my way out of them. But this time, I decided to not even try. I mean, she's in middle school. The conversation felt almost ridiculously overdue, and I thought I would merely be confirming something that she already knew, not revealing some potentially devastating secret. So when she asked me the inevitable question, I did not dodge it. I answered honestly.

About 30 minutes of intense, angry, desolate sobbing ensued.

In many ways, Emma is a mature kid. She gets herself up early in the mornings for band and chorus practice, packs her own lunch, gets out the door and to the bus...many times before I've even woken up. She gets excellent grades in school, managing her own homework and deadlines with virtually no assistance from us. Her teachers rave about her focus and dedication and responsibility. And she is starting to become more sophisticated in her thinking, understanding the world around her more and asking insightful questions about society as a whole.

But in other ways, mostly emotionally, she is still sooooooooooo young.

The tween dichotomy between little girl and young woman is very real. Sometimes Emma seems so grown up to me, a casual look or throwaway comment from her can almost make me weep. Yet other times, I'm rendered speechless by her immaturity and naivete. She switches from flippant and superior to whiny and needy on a dime. It's hard to navigate between these polar opposites, and frankly, I often get lost. She desperately wants to be treated like a teenager...but she's not there yet. I am always struggling to know when to give her space, respect her boundaries, let her work things out on her own, and when to rock her in my arms like a baby...like my baby, which she still is. I often get it wrong - giving her one thing when she needs the other.  It's a dance - a delicate, complicated, constant dance. And sometimes we step on each others' toes. But we keep on dancing.

Regardless of her age and maturity, she has always been very sensitive. Hearing her sob and wail over Santa made me want to permanently wrap her heart in bubble wrap before sending her back out into the world. She's like an exposed nerve ending with legs. Her emotional vulnerability terrifies me. I want her to toughen up, and I want her to never change. Grow a protective layer of cynicism, and yet never lose touch with her feelings. Be both practical and open, hard and soft, fierce and tender. But how to be both? Why can't she be both? Yet how can I teach her to be both, when I'm still learning those things for myself?

After she had a good cry over the loss of Santa, she seemed much better. Fine, in fact. Before going to sleep, she told me, "Mommy, I already knew Santa wasn't real. In my head. But I still believed in my heart. Is it okay if I still believe in my heart?"

Always, Em. Always.   

Emma in her own words

In answer to your question...yes, it is July 22nd and I'm just now going through the work my kids brought home on their last day of school 6 weeks ago. What of it?

And now...Miss Emma, in her own words.

Double Digits, Baby!

Our baby is 10 years old. Wow. Just...wow. A decade knowing and loving Miss Emma Bloom. What a gift.

Sleepover shenanigans to mark the momentous occasion.

 

 

 

 

And fun times with Every Flavor Beans...

 

Currents: Emma

Current Books:
At school, they are reading Lois Lowry's Number the Stars. At home, Emma is reading the 5th Harry Potter book. She goes through phases with reading...sometimes reading nothing, other times jumping around from book to book to book. She loves to go to the library, plus she has a lot of books at home she has yet to read, so I think she suffers from the same thing I do: A feeling of so many books, so little time. One of her challenges is focusing on just one book at a time; she likes to read two or three simultaneously, which I don't get. But hey, she's reading! All is well. (Yes, that's an intentional HP nod.)

Current Music:
Well, she has her own ipod. (Yes, we caved...although she bought it with her own money and we made her save up for a year and a half.) She has a lot of artists on there, mostly pop music. She's recently downloaded songs from all the judges on The Voice - Adam, Blake (yes, she digs some country!) and Adam...although Cee Lo is her favorite. Around Christmastime, she would happily listen to Cee Lo's version of "The Grinch" on repeat for hours.

Current TV/Film:
She doesn't watch nearly as much TV as she used to. She enjoys watching old episodes of Modern Family, and she's pumped for the new season of The Voice. We are all sad to see Disney's Good Luck, Charlie go. (I admit that I might be the saddest.) She still gets sucked into cartoon shows that her little sis watches, although she denies she likes them.

For movies, both the girls loved The Lego Movie, and especially Frozen. They've seen it twice and know the words to all the songs. She got all eight Harry Potter movies for Christmas and is excited to watch the ones she hasn't seen. (We have a rule: can't watch the movie until you've read the book. THIS SHOULD BE A RULE FOR LIFE. In my opinion.) Other recent family-night movies we've seen that she's really liked: Secondhand Lions, Alaska, The Rookie and School of Rock. Oddly enough, we tried to watch Hugo for family movie night last Friday, and she informed me that she "just isn't really a movie person" and played with her sister for three hours instead. Mixed emotions on that one.

Current Pleasures: 
Emma loves learning new skills, and she particularly loves learning them on her own. For months now, her main obsession has been making things out of duct tape. Pocket lockers, wallets, purses, bags, notebooks, folders, etc. She has gotten very good, and she briefly tried to make a business of it. She was all geared up to sell things on her Youtube channel and everything. Her business aspirations ran smack dab into reality when she came home from school with 17 wallet orders and we had to explain about supply and demand. Once she realized she had to buy the materials to make those things for everyone, and that she wouldn't really come out ahead, she changed course. For now, she's focusing on making instructional videos. (I think she's working out a new entrepreneurial approach in her head, though. I sense a round 2 in the works.)

She is now moving on to baking and cooking. For Valentine's Day, she made us all cupcakes. This was a big deal to her. She found the recipe and wrote up an ingredients list, and then Chris helped her shop and supervised her in the kitchen. She was so damn proud of herself, although there were tears when things didn't go her way. All in all, she seemed to enjoy it because this weekend, she wants to make us a surprise dinner.

Most recently, she asked for crocheting supplies. I have no idea where she is getting all this domestic craftiness from, but it is definitely not me.

Current Color:
"Blue, black, and any darkish color...oh, and hot pink."

Current Links:
Youtube and Instagram. She loves to watch how-to videos about crafting and baking on Youtube, and there is one site in particular where she gets all her duct tape ideas. And she loves posting Instagram pictures and videos for her friends. Of course, her account is private, and followers must be approved before accepted. Frankly, Chris and I are still finding our sea legs on how to monitor her Internet usage. I am nostalgic for when I was a kid and no one had to worry about this stuff. The vastness of the Internet is still hard for me to wrap my brain around, which makes it all the more challenging when tasked with explaining the potentially harmful aspects of the Internet to a nine-year-old.

Her Instagram profile photo is the one below, with the accompanying caption: "Me and my sister!" Seeing that made me happy. The first comment on the pic below was a "friend" of hers from school who wrote, "THAT'S A GIRL???" (For everyone who wonders why Sophie wants to grow her hair out...Exhibit A.) Emma wrote back: "Excuse me, but don't talk that way about my sister." That made me very happy, indeed.

Current Fetish:
She continues to have weird quirks where clothes are concerned, especially pants. They can't be denim, must be a soft knit of some kind, preferably leggings, no odd stitching in the legs or crotch, tight against her skin, tight against her ankles, not too long, ABSOLUTELY NO TAGS. She has also developed some annoying habits that she's trying to break. It used to be chewing on the skin of her fingers. The behavior became so frequent that all her fingers were red and puffy; they looked disfigured. It's gotten better, but I'm actually concerned she may have done some lasting damage. Now, she licks her hands. She looks like a reptile when she does it; the visual is very odd. When questioned, her answer is that she licks them because the skin is dry and chapped. (Oh, this winter...don't. get. me. started.) And she is absolutely convinced that lotion makes it worse. So the new rule is, if I catch her doing it twice in a row, she must use lotion. Yes, lotion is now a threat and punishment in my house.

Current Outfit:
Multi-striped leggings, oversize t-shirt with peace signs, giraffe socks, cheetah-print sneakers.

Current Drink:
Grape juice at school. Soda whenever we are weak and say yes (which isn't often). Water (yay!). Green tea still, sometimes. Kiddie cocktails at restaurants. A fruit smoothie almost every day.

Current Wish List:

1.  Crocheting supplies
2.  A refrigerator in her room. (See addendum at bottom of this post.)
3. Sleepovers with her friends every single weekend.
4. Learning karate, ice skating, cooking, basketball, baseball and ballet, while continuing to do swimming, gymnastics, girl scouts, and SWAT (after-school tech group). Honestly, if we were independently wealthy she would do it all and somehow clone herself to make it happen.
5. The ability to make her sister apparate and disapparate at will.
6. Unlimited ipod time, no restrictions.
7. No bed time.
8. 10:00am start time for school.
9. Her own phone.

Current Triumph:
She just taught herself all of "Ode to Joy" on the recorder and was pretty proud to play it for us and friends last weekend. She takes great pride in each new craft she creates. She is trying hard to master a flip flop in gymnastics; she can do it with her teacher spotting her, but not yet on her own. She has gotten all A's in school this year.

She just came home from school today all excited because her band Music 5 (Em and four friends...hence the name) performed Bruno Mars' song "Grenade" in gym class for all the fourth graders. She was glowing when she told me. She said she felt "throwing-up-nervous" beforehand, but it went really well and everyone clapped and her gym teachers said that Music 5 can take the stage anytime. I really wish I could have seen that.

Current Bane Of Her Existence:
The ISATs at school. They start next week, and she has a lot of anxiety over them. Also...me, honestly. I think I'm a bane of her existence. We butt heads a lot, and she does not like being told what to do. Cleaning her room, taking a shower, conditioning and brushing her hair, cutting her nails, doing her chores, not being late to school...all these reminders are on a constant loop coming out of my mouth, and she is not very appreciative of my input. :) We have been talking quite a lot about Responsibility in our house lately. So probably, more than anything, the concept of Responsibility bugs the shit out of Emma right now.

Current Celebrity Crush:
She loves this girl Allison who is in all her duct tape Youtube videos. I don't think she's a celebrity to many people, but she sure is to Emma. Yesterday, Emma told me that her friend J is going to take her to New York for her birthday because Allison will be at a craft show there and they want to meet her. When I asked who was paying for this trip, Emma replied, "Well, J's Mom, of course. It's my birthday present." Last year, J got Emma an outfit from Justice. That's quite an upgrade. When I pointed out the discrepancy, Emma retorted, "Yes, but my next birthday is double-digits, so I'll be getting extra special presents." I better start saving right away, I guess. Hell, it seems I should have started saving two years ago.

Current Indulgence:
I hate to sound repetitive but really, it's duct tape. Those suckers cost $4.99 a roll! Major indulgence indeed.

Current Excitement:
Emma is always excited about everything. Here are just a few things that are generating excitement at the moment:

1. Her marble reward. (Every twenty marbles she earns, she gets a reward. This time she got a sleepover with Mommy and Daddy. I thought her head was gonna explode. Sophie, on the other hand, burst into tears. Ah, sibling jealousy.)
2. Her friend's book club that starts this Thursday. (Super cute - her girlfriend sent an invite and everything. Fourth graders starting their own book club? I love it.) 
3. To see her Grandma and her cousins this weekend. 
4. To share all her newest creations with us. 
5. To visit her Grandpa and Grandma Kitty in Florida next month.
6. For her whole class to take a field trip to Mommy's work and see our new show.  
7. Auditioning for the solo in her Spring chorus program.
8. Her birthday. In June. She usually starts talking about it right after Christmas, so we are already two months into discussions.

Current Mood:
Changes daily. Euphoric, generous, defiant, caring, sweet, hostile, sunny, enthusiastic, engaged. Overall...delightful. Even during the dark periods. Emma is coming into her own, and it is truly awesome to watch.

Addendum (conversation from a couple of weeks ago):

Emma: "Sometimes at night when I am lying in bed, my stomach feels so empty and I know that it is sad, and I want to cry. I hate sadness, it just breaks my heart. Don't you agree?"
Me: "Well, of course. I'm not particularly fond of sadness."
Emma: "Yes! You know what I mean. So...that's why I think we should put a refrigerator in my room."

Dreaming of winter...sort of

Emma: "I had the craziest dream last night. It was very cold, like now, with snow and ice everywhere, but I kept thinking it was summer outside and I would run out in shorts and a bathing suit and sunscreen and I would try to jump into the pool, and you would come and get me and scream, 'What are you doing, have you lost your mind?' But I would escape again and again and again and sneak outside and take off all my clothes and roll around in the grass. Except there was no grass, just snow, and my skin would turn red and I was shivering and still I wouldn't come in and finally you called the police and told them I had, like, a mental problem and they took me to the hospital. And I stayed in there for a week and a half and when I got out everyone was so glad because I wore my coat to the car but then I took off all my clothes as soon as we got home and I asked if we could go to the beach and you started crying and I just kept jumping and playing in the snow with no shoes on and later, when everyone was asleep, I ran outside and climbed up the tree where I keep my knife for when robbers come and I killed myself because I was so tired of being cold. The end."

Um...I think this year's winter is getting to everyone in my household just the teensiest bit.

Vexing tornado of wrath

Emma had another epic meltdown about pants. Yes, you read that right...I said pants.

She is fanatical about what she wears. The texture, the feel, the length, the exact right balance of tightness and looseness. She has very specific needs when it comes to clothing, mysterious, ever-changing needs that are impossible to completely identify or meet.

I have tried to be accommodating, up to a point. When I was little, I had no choice at all in what I wore. We didn't have much money, and my parents put me in whatever they could afford. I hated a lot of it, and I'm sure I voiced that opinion. But I didn't dare dream of refusing to wear something. I started working when I was 11, and from that moment on I bought my own clothes. I loved the freedom of choosing what I wanted within my own budget, and to a certain extent, I wanted to extend that freedom of choice to my daughters. Emma is her own person with her own preferences, and - to a reasonable degree - I want to respect and foster that.

Also, I am not without sympathy to her clothing dilemma. A lot of her odd clothing requirements are less about preference and more about comfort. She is very sensitive to the feel of the clothes she wears, and I don't want her to be uncomfortable. So I have listened to her laundry list of wishes and tried very hard to buy her things I think she will like. But pleasing Emma is not that straightforward. The main problem she and I have is that she will try things on and declare she likes them, and we take the tags off and keep them, and then they are washed and she puts them on and decides she loathes them and they can never touch her skin ever ever again and we've just wasted precious money and time.

So, after many times of the above scenario and lots of lecturing and angry words about gratitude and wastefulness and personal responsibility, she has lost the privilege of picking out what she wears until she can stand by, and accept the consequences of, her choices. The only clothes currently in her dresser are ones she has already tried on and approved. I'm not forcing her to wear mohair long johns or wool pants suits. (I admit though...the thought has crossed my mind.) Of course, she has since changed her mind about many of these same clothes, deciding she no longer "likes" them, after we were no longer able to return them. And she resents the loss of control, which is fueling her anger. So right now, it kinda goes like this in our house: I choose, she wears, and every single day is a battle.

Today, it was over skinny black pants that I bought her right before Christmas. I do a lot of shopping at the thrift store...not only for the obvious reason of cost, but also because pre-worn clothes are softer and tend to be more appealing for Emma texture-wise. She tried the pants on and said she liked them, but they were too loose in the waist. Santa brought her a belt for Christmas that she loves, so problem solved, right?

The minute she put on the pants, she went ballistic. Sample utterings this morning included: "They are killing me!" "Oh my god, these pants, THESE PANTS!" "The bottoms bunch up and I look like a freak." "They are itchy and awful." "They hurt, they hurt, they hurt!" "WHY are you doing this to me????!"

She whined. She screamed. She walked like a robot, refusing to bend her legs because, apparently, the pants are so awful that they rendered her knees useless. She rolled her eyes, growled, moaned. She said several rude things, which earned her a bedtime right after dinner this evening. All told, it was a temper tantrum. An impressive show of will in a two-year-old. But a nine-year-old? The word ridiculous kept springing to mind.

Mostly, Sophie and I ignored her. (After many years of trial and error, we have learned in these instances that the less attention paid, the better.) The pants stayed on. I drove her to school, kissed her goodbye, and watched her robot-walk her way through the doors. Battle over, for now. And tomorrow? Once more into the breach, my friends.

I'm not proud to admit this, but her behavior drives me around the bend. I know it shouldn't, that I should let her antics roll right off my back, that she wants a reaction. But oh, dear lord, that is so much easier said than done. I worry about her, about how emotional and prone to anger she is. I worry I'm failing as a mom by not helping her figure out a more effective way to deal with her feelings. I worry because she is ME. She is so much like me, it sometimes takes my breath away. And I know that there are aspects to my personality that are hard to live with...for others, and for me. I don't want that for her. I really, really don't.

Emma can be sweet and kind and generous and gentle and a thousand other amazing things. She can also be a vexing tornado of wrath. And all that said, I adore her. All of her, every single aspect that makes her who she is. Because all the many facets of her personality have mixed together, creating this astounding, complex, amazing person...a person that I feel privileged to have in my life, even in her very worst moments. I love her. I just don't always know how to deal with her.

Christmas...and getting old...and Christmas!

We had a wonderful Christmas this year.

(And yes...I turned 40 as well. Thankfully, with the distraction of Christmas on the same day, my birthdays have never been a very big deal to me. So, yes...I am now 40 years old, it didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would, and that's really all I have to say about that.)

We hit the road for Indiana on the 23rd, despite a last-minute alert from my sister that my mom and dad were both pretty sick. My poor mother felt so horrible, she missed celebrating Christmas Eve with her family for the first time in...well...40 years. (Do the math.) We still had a great time, but it wasn't the same without her. By Christmas Day, the healthy were still healthy and the sick were less sick, which was a much-appreciated blessing that didn't last long. (Foreshadowing!) Santa went way overboard with the kids (somebody really has to have a talk with this guy), and then we headed over to my Dad's to...yes...open more gifts. Between my family and Chris's family and Santa and friends, the girls have more new things than they know what to do with. (Literally. We are still trying to figure out where in the hell to put it all.) But as always, the most wonderful part was just being together...not just our nuclear four, but with my parents, sisters, brother-in-law, nieces and nephew. Having us all in one room at the same time is becoming an increasingly rare occurrence, which makes it all the more treasured and special.

And then Christmas night hit, and all (flu-induced) hell broke loose.

I believe by the end of the week, the toll of people struck sick in my family included 16? And it was mostly the stomach flu, a particularly brutal kind. It was like being stuck in a tornado of puke. It hit both parents, my sister, my nephew, my gran, aunts, uncles, cousins. Sophie was the only one of us four to escape completely unscathed. I guess one benefit to spending your days around fellow germ-infested kindergarteners is that your immune system gets really strong really fast. (I mean, seriously...5 and 6 year olds are like walking petri dishes.)

We can never seem to get through the holiday season without some kind of illness, and this year was no exception. But despite or because of Pukefest 2013...and turning 40...this particular Christmas felt extra memorable.

And now...pictures! (My major Christmas gift was a new camera. I'm guessing you can spot below which were taken with my awesome present and which were taken with whatever nearby cell phone we could grab. Can't wait to play more with my new toy!)

All duded up for Christmas Eve! 

First thing Christmas morning, checking out the haul from Santa.

Santa brought the girls Nerf bow and arrow sets and holders for their Rainbow Looms, but I think each girl loved their individual gifts best - a unicorn glow pet for Sophie and a blanket with her beloved dolphins for Emma.

I made these! (And yes, I totally AM patting myself on the back right now, thank you.) It was my gift to our family, and I can't wait to find the perfect place to hang them.

This was my gift from the girls...with quite a bit of help from Daddy, I suspect. Every time I look at it, I tear up.

Me and Grifin - recent high school graduate and nephew extraordinaire!

I love kids' faces when they open a gift that really excites them. Plus, I just love these faces because they belong to my awesome nephew and niece.

And speaking of faces...my sister will kill me for putting this photo up. Which, of course, is exactly why I had to put this photo up.

Christmases and birthdays are great, but I'll never get a gift better than these two.

Thanksgiving, per Emma

School Photos

Fourth grade and kindergarten. Wow.

Don't Blink! You Could Lose Nine Years.

Emma turns nine years old today. NINE YEARS OLD!

Wanna see how quickly nine years can go by?

Happy Birthday, Emma Bloom. We love you.

Oh, and please...STOP GROWING. At least for awhile. Please and thank you.

One Happy Mutha

Mother's Day has become my favorite day of the year. I was born on Christmas (as I think maybe I've mentioned once or twice or many, many times before), so until Mother's Day came along, I didn't know what it was like to have a day totally focused on me and nobody else. And I gotta say...I dig it. A lot.

Today marked my tenth Mother's Day. (Hell YES, the "in utero" one counts!) As usual, my family pulled out all the stops. I was greeted with flowers, handmade gifts, a new apron, a digital picture frame, a gift card to my favorite nail place, and lots and lots and lots and lots of love. My girls were actually waiting right outside my bedroom when I first woke up, pouncing on me the minute I emerged and bursting with excitement to give me their gifts. Nothing in the world can match the feeling of knowing that there are people in my life - people that I MADE - who love me so intensely that they literally cannot wait to make me happy.

I am so grateful to my husband for letting me be a lazy bum all day, and for always making me feel like the most amazing mother on the planet. And to all the moms I know - especially to my mommy Christine and mother-in-law Pat - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

This is the pic on my apron. So cute!

This is Sophie's rendition of me. I think she made me look really beautiful.

This is from Emma. On the far right (partially hidden under a feather) it says, To be the best is good, but love is better. She told me, "I came up with that all by myself, just from thinking of the kind of mommy you are to me." Ha! I'm with Emma - being the "best" anything, especially the best mom, is impossible anyway; I'd definitely rather have love. I'll never stop being fascinated by the way this kid's mind works.

Well, Don't Get A Big Head About It

The girls started swim lessons today. They both did really well and had a lot of fun. We were sitting pretty far away, so it was hard to get any good shots. I managed a couple of so-so ones.

Sophie (in two-piece) takes the leap.

Emma walks the plank, readying to jump.

I did snag one great action shot of Emma jumping off the diving board...but unfortunately, my husband decided to step right in front of the ipad at the exact moment I hit click.

You can see Emma just to the right of my husband's enormous beautiful head.

Love Makes The World Go Round

We had a great Valentine's Day. Wonderful gifts and cards were exchanged by all. But one kind of stood out from the rest, because it took me by surprise and really touched my heart.

Emma made a card for us that she dubbed "The Family Valentine." Below is the inside. (It cuts off at the end, but you can still make out the words.) Best. Gift. Ever.

These Are Our Demands

Emma and Sophie were upstairs yesterday "cleaning their rooms" (ie, playing/reading/fighting/giggling/procrastinating) when Chris found this note at the foot of the stairs:

(Background: Emma talked Grandma Kitty into buying her a huge stuffed seal from Ikea. She may be the teensiest bit impatient about its arrival.)

Sophie then came downstairs, delivered this note, and solemnly exited the room without a word:

(Background: the kids miss their grandparents, aunt and cousins. A lot.)

They were clearly very serious, so Chris and I were careful to make sure they were both out of sight before cracking up laughing. One thing about kids - one of the BEST things about kids - is that you truly never know what's coming next.

Christmas: A Photo Essay

We got almost no clear photos of Christmas this year (fail). Here are the few that came out. Happy New Year!

Emma makes a new friend at Brookfield Zoo's Holiday Magic.

The carousel is ALWAYS a hit.

Hitching a ride.

Christmas morning at Grandma's house.

Santa was very good to the girls this year. Sophie kept exclaiming, "I'm so glad he didn't bring me coal!"

Santa is real and lives in Chicago Ridge Mall

We took the kids to see Santa yesterday. This was the first year they were both actually excited to see him, which was fun. However, the "elf" who was taking the picture was so annoying. Her idea of getting a sobbing, terrified child to calm down was to scream the child's name at the top of her lungs while making ridiculous faces that made her look like she was having a seizure. (Yeah...that's gonna make the children less scared. Good strategy.) There was a baby that went before us that was so incredibly chill. She had the most beautiful eyes...eyes that had seen a lot and had stories to tell, you know what I mean? The eyes of an old soul. And the moment the baby was placed on Santa's lap, she just kept staring up at him with the most serene look of complete recognition. She and Santa gazed at each other for at least 10 seconds, and it was the Cutest Thing EVER. I was like, "That's the shot! That's IT! Take the damn picture, elf!" But all the stupid woman cared about was getting the baby to look at the camera, so she just kept screaming and waving and contorting and totally missed the boat. Chris couldn't believe how worked up I got about the damn photographer, but she was a deeply annoying woman and obvious amateur with no artistic instincts whatsoever (not that I'm judgmental or anything) who didn't deserve the privilege of working with this amazing Santa.

Because amazing he was. This dude was the realest-looking Santa Claus that Chris or I had ever seen. His beard was real! No age makeup! Clearly, he was a pro. He was soft-spoken and gentle, but also authoritative and grave. The girls ate up his every word. He listened very carefully to their requests and looked each of them in the eye when they spoke. Then he told the girls that they had been mostly good this year, but that they needed to stop fighting and help out Mommy more. (Santa almost got a lap dance of gratitude from me on that one. I wonder if the damn elf would have photographed THAT.)

Emma is absolutely, 100% convinced that he was the real Santa. (I think it was the beard that got her.) Real or not, he was one hell of a step up from the mall Santa we had a few years ago that was about 25 years old and looked like a serial killer. So thank you, Mr. Claus, for a job well done. (And no one will think less of you if you ship that annoying elf off to Easter Island or something, Santa. She seriously needs to go.)

The logical mind

I overheard this exchange while the girls were in the kitchen making snacks:

Emma: "Now remember...you get what you get and you don't get upset."
Sophie: "Yes. And YOU get what YOU get and you don't get upset."
Emma: "Well, no. I mean...I'm the one making the snacks, so I get what I want. You just get what you get."

Copy My Copy

Soph: "Emma can make copies of us, you know."
Me: "Copies of us? You mean like...another Sophie?"
Sophie: "Yep. Or another Mommy or another Emma. She really can. I'm serious."
Me: "How does she do that? Did she tell you?"
Soph: "Yes. It's cause she's a vampire."
Me: "Hmmm. That's pretty cool. I had no idea she could do something like that. I can't believe she didn't tell me!"
Soph: "Well, I think she is gonna tell you on your birthday or for Christmas or something."
Me: "Gotcha. But why does being a vampire help her make copies of people?"
Soph: "Because she grows her teeth really long and then they glow into a color and then poof! You are copied. Kinda like the printer."
Me: "I'm not sure I really want a copy of me. Would you like another Sophie hanging around?"
Soph: "Kinda. Like...so I can copy her and stuff."
Me: "So you would copy your copy?"
Soph: [sigh] "Yes, Mommy. That's how it works."
Me: "Oh. I see."
Soph: "And plus she could play with me when Emma has a sleepover. And if I get eaten by a monster she can give you hugs so you won't be sad."
Me: "Oh, honey..."
Soph: "So you need to get a copy, so that if you die, I will still have a Mommy."
Me: ... ... ...
Soph: "Mommy? Did you hear me?"
Me: "Yeah honey, I heard you. Okay then. I'll have Emma make a copy of me, too."
Soph: "Thanks, Mommy."