Now that Sophie's one year old, we are starting to think about weaning. I don't know how long it will take; to be honest, I'm not really in a rush. Yet she has already begun the process on her own, and soon enough the transition will be complete.
In a way, I'm excited to stop breastfeeding because it will be nice to feel like my body is all mine again. But there are many things about breastfeeding I will miss, and none more than my favorite moment of the day...Sophie's bedtime. We sit together in her bedroom and rock in the dark as the falling rain from her sound machine soothes us both into drowsiness. And as Sophie breastfeeds, she reaches one hand up and rests it on my chest. Then she slowly pats me with her fingers, as if she is reassuring me about something. The gesture is so cute and yet so mature, and Sophie only does it when she breastfeeds. I close my eyes and concentrate on the feel of her little fingers lifting gently up and down, up and down on my skin, as if she's telling me, "Don't worry, Mommy. I will always be your baby." She matches the timing of her patting with the rocking of the chair, and we stay locked in that slow, steady rhythm until she signals that she's ready for bed. At no other time in my day - or in my life - do I feel more like a mother than during those moments with her. I look forward to this precious intimacy between us every night, and I will be sad when it is gone.
Sophie is a Mama's girl, so I'm not really worried - as I was with Emma - that she won't "need me" anymore once we end breastfeeding. But I will still miss that feeling of complete connection with my child that simply cannot be replicated any other way. I feel so privileged that I was able to share that with both my girls.
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