Emma has always been (as described by others) "spirited," "animated," "challenging," "moody," "sensitive," and my personal favorite - "emotionally vibrant." Take your pick, the word(s) don't really matter - bottom line, she's a force of nature and has been from the moment she was born. The ferocity of her personality is one of the main things I adore about her, but it can also be a lot to handle...not just for others, but for her as well. She feels everything so intensely, and she still struggles to find an appropriate outlet for all that joy/anger/frustration/etc. when it overwhelms her. She's always been prone to tantrums, and Chris and I accepted long ago that these "emotional overloads," as I like to think of them, are just part of what makes Emma...well, EMMA. And Emma is pretty darn amazing, so if we gotta deal with a few glitches in the system, so be it. I mean, don't we all have a glitch here and there? We try to help her channel her energy in more positive ways, and she's gotten better as she has aged. I suspect, to one degree or another, this is something Em will always battle, and that's okay. We'll be there for her as much as we can, and together, hopefully, we'll all come out the other side.
However, my current problem with her isn't necessarily connected to her "emotionalness" - for lack of a better word. Or perhaps it is, but even if that's the case, it is still unacceptable. Lately Emma has developed a horrible habit of backtalking. She is rude and spiteful and prone to screaming her responses. She can even be really hurtful, saying things like "I hate you" and "I'll never love you ever again." At first, I rolled with it. "This is yet another phase," I thought to myself. "Just ride it out." I tried to stay as patient as I could. We let little things go and disciplined her relatively consistently when her behavior became excessive. I figured in time, once she saw we weren't going to put up with the sassing, it would get better. But in fact, it's getting worse...and I'm more than a little embarrassed to admit that I don't know what to do. We don't believe in physical punishment, so even though many many MANY times I've fantasized about giving her a good smack about the head just to relish the three-to-five seconds of stunned silence it would be sure to illicit, that is not an option. We've tried counting, time-outs, ignoring, discussing, role playing, taking things away, mimicking, shouting (well, I don't know if you could say we've consciously tried shouting, but unfortunately that technique has also been used), and nothing is working - at least not on a long-term basis. I've seriously started to consider washing her mouth out with soap, but I don't know what I could use that would be considered safe. I can't believe I just typed that last sentence, but I suppose it just speaks to my current desperateness. And the thing I can't keep from thinking is that she's only FOUR. I mean, if I feel this desperate now, how in the world am I gonna deal with her in five/ten/fifteen years?
It breaks my heart to hear my lovely, sweet, gentle daughter turn into a bossy, demanding, mean little diva... and not only with me, but with others as well. And it's embarrassing too, I'll admit it. As crazy as it gets me when she behaves rudely at home, it's all the more difficult to swallow when she does so in public. I'm horrified that a child of mine speaks to people in such an ugly way. And the worst thing is that I'm not really sure how to handle it anymore, and she knows it. Unfortunately, she's smart. (Oh, if only she weren't so clever! Cleverness in a child is highly overrated!) The minute she senses weakness, she pounces. And lately, she's been pouncing a lot.
So. Does anyone have any advice? Or maybe some free time to take my eldest off my hands for a couple weeks/months/years? Mostly I'm writing this to vent, and to create a written record for my older self to refer to. That way, the next time I find myself in a similar state of cluelessness, I can read that I've been there before, I made it through (I hope), and I'll do so again. Probably.
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