Missing Mama

I've been working a lot of evenings lately, and neither of the girls are really digging it. Emma soldiers on just fine most of the time. She lets me know she misses me, and she always wants to know which night I'll next be home to tuck her in, but she generally takes my absence in stride. Sophie, however, has flat-out had enough. She wants me in the apartment, by her side, always. We spend all day every day together, so you would think she'd be done with me by the time Daddy comes home. And at first, this is true. Sophie lights up when Chris walks through the door, and they have their hugs and kisses and special Daddy-daughter play time. But after about 30 minutes or so, she starts to look for me again. And once bedtime rolls around, she is literally searching room to room for Mama. Chris, bless him, tries so hard to distract her while I'm dashing around looking for keys/scripts/bag/shoes/coat/etc. But if she happens to catch a glimpse of me or a snippet of my voice, then forget it...game over. She screams and cries until I either a) put her to bed and pray I'm not too late for rehearsal or b) make a quick escape and leave behind a 15-month-old mess for my wonderful husband to sort out.

I'm sure she'll get used to my nighttime absences eventually. Unfortunately, she's gonna have to because my evening hours aren't going to let up for a few months yet. It is hard to hear her so upset, and of course I feel guilty, but I'll admit it - sometimes her constant, intense need for me can really get on my nerves. Never for long though. All I need is a tiny break, and then one glance of her desperately reaching out her arms for me is all it takes to pull me back in. The truth is, Sophie has me wrapped around her little finger, and she knows it. She's my baby, my youngest, my last. She just slays me. And although I can bristle at her clinginess, it is also immensely gratifying to feel so...so loved by another person. I mean, motherhood is often a thankless job, you know? So when those moments of gratification present themselves, I'm grabbing on with both hands.