From the mouths of babes...rather odd babes...

Here are a few bon mots from my kids that I've posted on Facebook recently. (Yeah, I know it's kinda lazy to re-post already-published stuff to my blog. I never claimed to be an overachiever.)

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Emma: "Can you put the song 'I'm Sexy And I Know It' on your ipod for me?"
Me: "What? You don't even know what the word 'sexy' means."
Emma: "Yes I do." [whispers in ear] "It's when two people get naked and kiss each other in private parts of town."
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Me: "Sophie? You okay in there?"
Sophie: "Yeah. I'm just standing here looking at the toilet."
Me: "Oh. Well maybe you could actually go potty, since that's what I asked you to do."
Sophie: "No, thank you. I'll just stand here and look for fish."
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Just showed Emma "We Are The World" on You Tube because she is studying it in school.
Emma: "Wow, how long ago did they do this?"
Me: "Hmmm...I wanna say sometime in the late '80s."
Emma: "What? That's right after baby Jesus was born!"
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Walking into our house from the car...
Sophie: "My tummy hurts."
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry to..."
Sophie: "BUT MY VAGINA DOESN'T HURT ANYMORE, MOMMY. I RUBBED IT AND IT FEELS BETTER NOW."
Neighbors on both sides of our apartment (And of course they are outside when this happens, why wouldn't they be? After all, it's a balmy 25 degrees outside!) freeze and gape as the word "vagina" echoes through the night. This is not artistic license, people...I am telling you, it echoed.
Me: "Well, I thank you for sharing, Sophie...and so does the rest of the neighborhood."
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Sophie: "My panda is dead because bad guys came and used a gun and shot him and he tried to duck but it didn't work and our Dad didn't fight the bad guys because he was at work. I'm not joking. That actually happened."
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Sophie just introduced me to her "pretend friend." Her name is No Name, and she likes to read books and kill pandas. That is an exact quote, folks. What is up with this kid and dead pandas?
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Emma: "I wish I had a new baby sister who was just a baby and NEVER grew up and then I'd never have to bother with her and she'd be so cute!"
Sophie: "Yes, that would be fun. Baby sister!"
Emma (whispering to me while pointing to Sophie behind her cupped hand): "I meant INSTEAD of her." Sigh. "She just doesn't get it."