Anyone Know of a Drama Exterminator?

Sophie just went on this giant, rage-filled tangent about how Chris hid her Nintendo DS from her and now she can't find it and he had NO RIGHT to do that because it is her DS and she doesn't understand why he would do something like that and then just LAUGH about it because it is NOT nice to laugh and do mean things to other people and why would Daddy DO that to her? When she finally stopped to take a breath, I pointed out that her DS was sitting in full view, for all to see, on the dining room table. She paused, cocked her head, and said, "Hmmm. Maybe I just dreamed that Daddy hid my DS? Or....maybe he hasn't done it yet? Ohhhhhh. I bet that's it. He is going to do it tonight at family dinner. Mommy, you need to tell him NO, that hiding things is NOT NICE."

I woke up this morning to the sounds of Disney's "Victorious" shaking our apartment's walls. I peeked in the living room and found Emma completely dressed and eating breakfast in front of her TV show. She said she'd been up since "5:25am, in the morning." I asked her to please turn down the TV before she woke her sister. We played cat-and-mouse with the volume; she'd turn it down a couple of notches, I'd ask for more, she'd turn it down one more notch, I'd demand still lower. Finally, I told her to turn the volume below 20 or else the TV goes off. "20?!?" she shrieked. "That's, like, whispering. Ugh. I can't wait until I'm a grown up and can drink soda and make the rules. I hate being a kid. How am I supposed to bear it?"

A Rocken Mother's Day for a Rocken Mom

Because my birthday is on Christmas (which, yes, has always kinda sucked), and Christmas is really all about the kids (and rightfully so, in my opinion), Mother's Day is my best "me" day of the year now. My family goes out of their way to make it really special, and this year was no exception. Check it out!

A bouquet of flowers from each girl to start my day...pink-tipped roses from Emma and "rainbow flowers" from Sophie. (Clearly, Sophie has inherited my knowledge of plants b/c I would have dubbed them the exact same thing.) They were both quick to point out that they picked out their own ribbons too.

As you all know, I am obsessed with photo books. Well, my husband has apparently jumped on the bandwagon. Welcome to the funhouse, Chris! Emma made and decorated the green paper house for me, and Chris put together an awesome Mother's Day photo book that I will seriously treasure forever.

Emma made me many wonderful drawings and cards, including a meticulously rendered sketch of Gir from "Invador Zim." (And really, what mother doesn't want a drawing of a weird-looking robot for Mother's Day?) But the above poem that she wrote for me was my absolute favorite gift. She was so proud and insisted on reading it out loud. I LOVE how this girl's mind works. (p.s. I've never had carrot juice in my life.)

I loved the outside of Emma's poem-card too (above). I am particularly fond of the exclamation point family.

Sophie was in a bit of a mood on our family walk...I think she was regretting her decision to adamantly refuse to draw or make me anything all week long after she saw the huge haul her sister gave me and all the extra hugs and kisses of thanks Emma received as a result. :) (Don't worry - she got plenty of hugs and kisses of her own! But everything's a competition with sisters, you know.) She was pouty, and she needed major coaxing to sit and smile for the camera. Right after the above picture was taken, the girls ran off to fight over who could pick the most dandelions and Chris and I screamed at them to get out of the way of bikers flying down the jogging path and Sophie's shoe kept falling off while she ran and she eventually ended up bursting into tears because she didn't want fish sticks for lunch, even though no one had mentioned fish sticks for lunch. So all in all, a typical Sunday...which is to say: AWESOME. I love my sweet, combative, nonsensical, divinely imperfect family just the way we are, and I'm grateful every day that they love me too.

Happy Mother's Day to all the "rocken" moms out there!!!!!

Photo bombs

Chris and I actually went to a fancy smancy gala a couple of weeks ago. It was really nice to have a dressy, adult evening together, and we are grateful to our friend Robb for hanging out with the wee ones for the night.

I finally got around to downloading the photos of that evening from my camera, and I discovered some surprises. I learned two things: 1) It really sucks to see yourself captured on film during a moment in which you actually thought you looked good and realize that, in fact, you looked the exact opposite of good; and 2) Below is what happens when you leave your kids and your camera with Mr. Robb Rabito.

 

 

 
 

 

Sophie on a Tuesday

A lot of ground can be covered on the car ride to school...

--------------------
Sophie: "Where do mustaches come from - caterpillars or butterflies?"
--------------------
Me: "You have a substitute at school today. Miss Louise isn't feeling well, so Cary will be your teacher."
Soph: "Cary is a nice guy." [pause] "Yeah. I think I can work with him."
--------------------
Sophie loves to chew her food into weird configurations and then "play" with them. For about 10 minutes this morning, all I heard from the back seat was oddly-shaped pop-tart bits talking to each other: "This is the ladder. This is the sliiiiiiide. This is the ladder. This is the sliiiiiiide." When I finally hit my breaking point and asked Sophie to stop, she replied, "But it isn't me, Mommy. It's the pop-tarts. And pop-tart mommy said it was okay."
--------------------
Sophie: "If I had $5 and could get anything I wanted from the grocery store, I would get reg-lee-er juice, a candy bar, fun dip, cowgirl rope, a ring pop, and a pair of boots."
--------------------
Soph: "I miss Emma."
Me: "I know honey, but you'll see her tonight."
Soph: "I love my sister. I love what she says. She is the smartest sister that I ever have, did you know that, Mommy? It's true! Look it up!"

Emma on a Monday

Em: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Me: "I don't know...why?"
Em: "To get a chicken roast!"
[crickets]
Em: "Get it? Chicken roast? Cause 'roast' is like 'road', but you just switch the last letters and you have R-O-A-S-T? It's like a play on words."
Me: "But that doesn't make any sense."
Em: "But it's FUNNY! It's a lot funnier than 'to get to the other side.'"
Me: "I agree, 'to get to the other side' isn't very funny either. But I think 'to get to the other side' is supposed to be ironic. It plays with expectations. Like, people usually expect jokes to have a twist, but 'to get to the other side' is a sensible answer. So I think they are going for irony."
[pause]
Em: "I have no idea what you are talking about."
Me: "Well..."
Em: "'Chicken roast' makes sense! The chicken wants to eat a chicken roast - get it? Get it? And that's what makes it funny!"
Me: "Okay. If you say so. But I think the general rule with jokes is that if you have to explain why the joke is funny, that might be a sign that it's not the best joke."
Em: "Well, that doesn't make any sense. If I don't explain that the chicken roast man is on the other side of the road and he's giving away balloons and the roast smells really yummy, then people won't know why the chicken wants one so badly!"
Me: "Okay. You win. I take it all back. Great joke."
Em: "Thank you."

My New Show. COME.

Is anyone else finding that the humidity is wreaking havoc on their hair? Mine is longer again for the first time in years, and the closer we get to summer, the more I look like Bozo the Clown. But hey...I digress.

Guess what ya'll...I'm in a new show!

As most of you know, one of the places I work for is Erasing the Distance, a kick-ass organization that sheds light on mental health issues through theatre. I am ETD's Communications Director and an actor in the ensemble. We have an amazing world premiere opening May 14th called Good Enough, which features the stories of five women living with depression or bipolar disorder, and guess who is performing one of the stories? That's right...ME!

I am very proud to be part of this show for a myriad of reasons, but top of the list is the (sad) fact that it is extremely rare to be in a play with an all-female cast, plus a female director, stage manager, and production manager. I've been acting since I was 9 years old, and this is the first time it has happened to me. HOW COOL IS THAT??? (Obviously, I think it's pretty cool.) Don't miss your chance to see five glorious female actors rock the stage, because it doesn't happen very often folks. The play is at Chicago's Center on Halsted, and I invite all you local yokels to come out and get your Good Enough groove on! (No, it's not a musical. I don't know why I keep using musical analogies. I think it's because I'm kind of excited for Rock of Ages? But I'll stop now.) Anyway, click here for all the Good Enough details.

Also - below is a short promo video we made about the production. Check it out! And then, I command you: grab your girlfriends, order your tickets, and get thee to the theater! Me and my hair ginormous clown wig will see you there.

You Will Peruse This Photo Book...AND YOU WILL LIKE IT

I don't scrapbook. I hate crafts, I can barely sew on a button, and don't get me started on quilting/crocheting/knitting/etc. But I do attempt to document things, albeit very sporadically, through this blog...and dude, I love photos. Know what I love even MORE than photos? Putting together my family's yearly photo books.

In the past, just about the only person who witnessed my photo book handiwork was my poor husband, who is typically forced every year to view approximately 22 different drafts and then attempt to tell me which version he likes best without letting on to his hyper-sensitive wife that, in reality, he can't tell any of them apart. (My husband is a master at emotional tightrope walking. He has been studying for over 16 years, and at this point he has at least six different graduate degrees in ETW from the Jenny-Math Institute for People Who Love Emotional Time Bombs.)

But this year, I can share my photo book with THE WORLD! (And by THE WORLD, I mean the 16 people who read this blog faithfully.) And since all 16 of you know how much I love phoning in rounding out blog posts with photos, you know I'm not gonna turn down the opportunity to shove my family's gorgeous photogenic genes down everyone's throats.

So without further delay, I present the Mathews Family's Year In Review: 2011. Check it out below or click here if you want to see a larger version. Either way - enjoy! (Oh - and if you aren't in the book, it's probably because we didn't see you that year and/or simply have no photos of you from 2011. It's not because we don't like you or you pissed us off or we fear your ugliness will muck up our beautiful photo book, I PROMISE.)