Officially an Actor?

I had both a great and horrible day yesterday.

I booked another voiceover gig, this one a TV spot (and radio too) that will hopefully pay a little bit of dough. The bad part of the day was...yeah, you guessed it - arranging childcare. I had it all set, and then they changed the recording time on me 40 MINUTES before go, as I was literally parking outside their downtown studio, so then it started off a huge scramble of trying to find out who was going to watch Emma b/c the people that were watching her at that moment couldn't keep her all day. It was a real drag and I was very stressed, but what came out of it all was extreme gratefulness that I have such wonderful friends in my life. Jessica & Ben watched her from Noon - 2pm, and then Diane and Dave took over (and I mean literally TOOK OVER - going to pick her up from Jessica's and getting her all settled while I was going on and on about Eating Right Frozen Dinners in a studio on East Ohio) and kept her until after 4pm. Then she went to Gen & Craig's that evening from about 5:30 - 10pm so Chris and I could actually have a date and see a movie (imagine!), and Emma was a great, great girl through it all. I was experiencing some major Mommy guilt about shuttling her from one place to another so much in one day, but she just considered it a big adventure and had a blast. One thing 3 year olds are: ADAPTABLE. So to Jessica, Ben, Diane, Dave, Gen, Craig...and all the other friends & family that help me out - THANK YOU. It really does take a village to raise a child.

So I guess that my horrible news really had some good news rolled in...funny how sometimes typing things out makes you see the lesson of something more clearly. But the really great news is that I realized one of my personal dreams as an actor yesterday: I joined the Screen Actors Guild. I am now SAG and AFTRA affiliated, and very proud of it. I keep hitting little milestones here and there as an actor...good press, better jobs, my own theater company, critics picks, award nominations, and now double-union affiliation...yet, I wonder, WHEN will I feel like an "official" actor? I don't know. Sometimes I do. But yet...when people ask me what I do for a living, I usually say, "Oh, I'm a stay-at-home Mom, and I work part-time from home in PR and Marketing," and then I MIGHT throw in, "Oh, and I act." Like it's an afterthought, when in reality it is my lifeblood, my center, and it affects everything else that I DO do. Why do I do that? When will I feel confident filling in the Profession question on government forms with ACTOR? When I make more money? Become Equity? Do it exclusively? Make my first movie with Meryl? Win the Tony? What??? I don't know. I even do it with friends and family, play that aspect of myself down. When people ooh and ahh and ask questions, I'm always like "Oh, it's no big deal, it's not even how I make most of my living" - which makes it sound like a side project or something, and it SO is not. Weird. Maybe it's just in all of our natures to resist celebrating something that, in all honesty, we know we are DAMN good at? Like - oh no, don't talk about it, it's so tacky, act like it's no big deal? Or maybe I am just my father's daughter, and a history of phone calls telling him about a new part or accomplishment and having him ask, "How much are you getting paid?" and then hearing his interest wane in direct relation to how high or low the pay is have taken their toll, and now I just naturally think that way as well. Not that my Dad isn't supportive - he just doesn't get it, and really, it's kinda hard to get...how many people have found something they love so much in life that they are not only willing but COMPELLED to do it for all of their lives, despite ever making a living at it or the personal sacrifices it may entail? Dad's not the only one who doesn't get it - many don't. But I've found that if someone cares for you enough, they support you anyway. I certainly have that in my life, in abundance. So maybe the problem is that I don't care enough about myself to support myself - to stand up and say proudly I AM AN ACTOR and mean it and own it and be very, very, very proud of it.

I'm gonna work on that.