I Pee, Therefore I Am

Dare I say it? Okay, I'm just gonna take a deep breath and spit it out. Sophie is now...kinda/sorta/maybe potty trained.

HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY! HOORAY!

Check it out:

She's already filled half of her second chart, too. Since last weekend, when she suddenly decided out of nowhere that she is a potty prodigy, Sophie hasn't looked back. She wears panties everywhere, and not one accident. Not ONE! She is a peeing master. However...#2? Well, the jury is still out on that one. So far, she has either timed it to go during naptime when she is in a pull up, or she just hasn't gone at all. In fact, we are currently on Day 6 of Sophie Poop Watch. (Why do my children have such screwed up bowels? They are both smart, healthy, happy, beautiful little girls who happened to draw the super short stick in the defecation department.) Except for the dark shadow of Constipation currently hovering over our house, I can't believe how smooth this transition has been...that is, once Sophie finally made up her mind to do it. After the horror of the last few months, the biggest bump in the road this week was when I proudly presented her with a brand new baby doll as one of her special treats and she dropped to her knees and sobbed that she wanted an Oreo instead.

Now, if everyone out there can just do a little poop dance and send it Sophie's way, all will be well.

Potty Training: Progress Report 4

My daughter confounds me.

Since my last progress report, we've taken a total break from potty training. Sophie is back in pull ups, and she hasn't gone near the toilet in weeks. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she announces Thursday afternoon that she feels like she has to go. We go in and sit...AND SHE PEES IN THE TOILET. I'm not talking a few dribbles here either, but an actual stream of urine, people. Not only that, but she does so with the ease of a seasoned pro. She sits there, peeing away, with a huge smile on her face and knowing gleam in her eyes that says, "No big deal. I was ALWAYS capable of this, you idiots."

I thought it was a fluke. Then yesterday, she does it two more times. She even pees for SPECTATORS, inviting my friend Genevieve to come in and watch her do her stuff. She's actually showing off how good she is at this!What the what? I don't get it, but I'm not gonna question it. I'm only praying that it lasts. No pressure. She is still in pull ups. We aren't asking her if she has to go or forcing her to sit on the toilet in timed intervals or any of that junk. This time, everything is super casual. Sophie is clearly running the show here, which apparently was what she wanted all along. I am just following her lead. Who knows if this streak will continue, but right now a very proud and happy toddler resides in our house. (Oh - and one confused but VERY relieved mother.)

Potty Training: Progress Report 3

Sophie has managed to acquire eight stickers on her potty chart this week. She even earned her first special treat - a Snow White Polly Pocket Play Set. Yay!
However, in the interest of full disclosure, I feel compelled to add that at least three of those stickers were gained by less than a handful of pitiful little urine drops that just happened to fall into the toilet. And yes, while there have been celebratory moments this week, Sophie has also peed on the floor of just about every room in our apartment, as well as all over Aunt Jayme's shoes, our couch, the living room rug, and an innocent baby doll's head. In addition, there have been countless instances of poop-in-the-panties, and a few hours ago I stepped on a huge wet steaming glob of Sophie poo on the bathroom floor...IN MY BARE FEET.

At this point, I would say failures are outweighing successes, but I vow to stay strong. Um...well, later. Yeah. That's right. LATER, I will stay strong. Right now, I just have to say: I. HATE. POTTY. TRAINING. It SUCKS, it is DISGUSTING, and I don't understand why there aren't any professionals out there that I can hire to do it FOR me. I mean, I'm talking about a niche market in a crappy economy that is just WAITING to be exploited, so why isn't anyone out there DOING it?! Doesn't anyone get how many desperate parents there are in this world who would meet any price? Plus, we are all stupid enough to KEEP REPRODUCING, which means a neverending stream of customers! Hello...is anyone LISTENING? There are people out there willing to wade through garbage and plunge toilets for a living. There is even an outfit in this city that you can pay to get rid of your kid's head lice! Yet no one will take on my two-year-old? I would give ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY. I would rob a bank, I don't CARE, just somebody else do it for me please please please please please, for the love of god PLEASE!

O-kay. Deeeeeeeeep breath. In, and out. IN. And. OUT. Good. All right. Glad I got that off my chest. I actually feel a little bit - TINY bit - better.

In times like these, I find it prudent to remind myself of the many things I do adore about my child...my lovely, adorable, obstinate, willful, nonstop-peeing-and-pooping child. Hence, this video:

Potty Training: Progress Report 2

Call the media, people. Sophie took her first dump on the potty today!

WARNING: If you are uncomfortable with poop talk, then this is the wrong blog for you, my friend. Take your delicate constitution and leave immediately, never to return.

Potty Training: A Progress Report

Apparently, the toilet is continuing to do REALLY well at potty training. Look at all the stickers it has acquired! (Yes, I know...I was quite surprised at it's progress too.)

Exhibit A:

And Sophie? Um...well, let's just say she has a ways to go.

Exhibit B: