Sophie on a Thursday

• Finds a tampon in my gym bag and claims it as her own, calling it her vampire. (A simple mispronunciation, or is she unconsciously confusing one bloodsucker with another? Hoo-AH!) "It so pretty! It has stripes!" (The packaging has stripes. I knew what you were thinking. Sickos.) Periodically (Ba-DUM-bum) hides the tampon behind her back and announces, "I got a surprise for you, Mama!" Whips her hands in front of her with a flourish. "Ta-DA! A vampire for you to love!"
  
• When I tell her I Tivo'd "Backyardigans" for her, she throws her arms in the air and yelps, "Yay! I so proud of you, Mama!"
• Asks to go to the pool. I explain the pool is closed until next summer. Scrunches her face up and glares at me. "I ask Grandma to take me! Grandma LOVES me!"
• Story game...Me: "And then the bear did a happy dance and...what happened next?" Sophie: "And then the bees flied all around his nose and the bear died. The bees died him. The end." Second attempt...Me: "So the bear tiptoed into the house to take a nap and...what happened next?" Sophie: "And the bees grabbed the bear's arm and that not nice! And the bear died. The end." Third attempt...Me: "The beautiful butterfly flew high above the clouds with the fairies and...what happened next?" Sophie: "The bear died like this [lies flat on back on floor] and he died [pointing] here and here and here and here and here and allllllllllllll over the floor and the bees said 'Yay!' The end."
• Gets frustrated helping with laundry because I give her too many clothes to carry at a time. "Mama, you are getting me nuts," she mutters.
• Sophie: "Mama, I went poop." Me: "Uggh. Okay. Just...next time, will you please tell me before you go poop so we can sit on the potty? Please please please with sugar on top?" Sophie: "Sugar on top...of my bottom?"
  
• Declares me a better singer than Tasha the hippopotamus on "Backyardigans." I open my mouth to thank her when she adds, "And you look like her, Ma-ma! Mama, you a pretty hippo!"
• Refuses to put on shirt because the tag itches. Insists on wearing bathing suit under it before leaving the house. "You are just doing this because Emma does," I accuse. "Yep," she confirms.
• Sophie: "Mama, I peed on the floor." Me: "Uggh. Sophie! You're killing me!" Sophie: "I no killing you, Mama. Don't say that! That not nice." Bursts into tears.
  
• Lights up when I explain that our street is filled with forklifts dumping huge pounds of dirt into holes because they are planting trees and flowers. "That's a GREAT idea!" she says. Shouts out the window at the construction workers, "Good job, con-cussins! Good job, dirt! The flowers will look so bee-autiful!"
  
• Grabs my arm at 10:05am and says, "I ready for night-night." We read a book, sing a song, turn out the lights. I put her in the crib and am just closing the door when she shouts, "I all done!" I turn and ask, "Seriously? You're kidding me, right?" Oblivious to my sarcasm, she grins and gushes, "I no kidding, Ma-ma. Mama, I had a good nap."
  
• Screams following phrases from bedroom to avoid napping (successfully, I grudgingly add): "I just need to whisper you somefing, Mama." "Ma-ma, I want another story!" "Maaaaa-ma...what happen next, Ma-ma?! What. happen. NEXT?" "Mommy! It 9 of the clock, time to wake up now!" "Mommy, my butt hurts. You need to kiss it, Mama!"
  
• Keeps asking if we can go to the cube-li-esque store. All day long: "Mama, when we going to the cube-li-esque store?" Finally dawns on me about 4 o'clock that she means the UPS store.